remembering Grandpa

Love.  Friendship.  Vitality.  Health.  What more could a person ask for from life?  These are the words and the questions in my mind as I sit here meditating on the seeming finality of death.  My Grandpa passed away yesterday.  He was 89 years old.  He had plans to go to Florida this past Monday with his brother to play golf.  Instead we're heading to Iowa on Friday, to wish him a last farewell and prayers for a peaceful journey.

I am conflicted.  I am overwhelmed with sadness for my loss, but extremely grateful that I had as much time as I did, with this person who taught me so much... perhaps most importantly, how to love the people in my life, how to be strong and how to be there for them (with a smile), no matter what twists and turns they encounter along the way.  I guess we learn by example, right?

My Grandpa was a good man; patient, caring and kind.  He was never angry, a trait I (unfortunately) didn't inherit.  He always had a joke, a laugh and a song to sing.

I don't feel like anything I'm saying does justice to the memory I have of him.

When I learned he was gone I called my younger brother and his wife, and then I fell into supta baddha konasana.  It just felt like the right thing to do.  I set up my mat so I could soak up the sunlight coming through the window.  Reclining bound angle pose is incredibly restorative.  I leaned back on a bolster to help open my heart.  

I don't know how to deal with grief, how to handle loss.  Luckily my amazing babe is here with me, forcing me to be present instead of focusing on the past, reminding me that life is good, and that life moves on.  I recently read that grief manifests itself physically, so I'm planning on meeting it head on.  There will be lots of heart opening yoga in my future.  :)